Is he a great date, possible mate or total fake?

Romantic deception has become a hot topic. It is covered mostly by talk shows and news magazines like Dateline, 20/20 and 48 Hours. Just last week Dr. Phil had a guest – not his first – who had been taken by someone she met while on vacation. She fell in love with a man who claimed to be an ex-NFL player. She asserts he took her for $100,000.

Impostors can show up anywhere...online, at the supermarket, even at church. We are, by nature a trusting society when it comes to what people tell us. I don't know about you, but I don't generally jump to the conclusion that someone is being dishonest about who he or she is.

Victims come in many forms and are not necessarily lonely women longing for companionship. Secure, strong, independent individuals can become victims too. We are, according to Dr. Sally Caldwell, author of the book Romantic Deception, biased toward the truth, "Much like the horror that the neighbors usually express when they learn that the man next door has just been nabbed for being a serial murderer, it's very difficult for well-socialized truth tellers to even contemplate that they could be mixed up with a big-time liar." Dr. Caldwell goes on to state, "Ask me who's vulnerable to Romantic Deception, and high on my list will be the woman who was raised right."

Impostors always break hearts. Romance, built on lies, is not a foundation for a long-term commitment. Most impostors claim to have a higher level of education, better job histories, and greater assets than in reality. Some carry heavy financial burdens. Some are married. Some have criminal histories. All make it difficult to ever trust again.

There are ways to discover if your potential mate is all that he or she claims to be. Consider for a moment the amount of time you put into investigating a home purchase. Or the due diligence typical before buying a business, a new car, or any other large purchase. Why wouldn't you, as a matter of course, investigate someone who will have access to your finances? Someone who has the power to take you for everything you own and ruin your credit? And what if he has a violent or criminal past you know nothing about?

This site is a resource for anyone who wants to learn more about a partner before commiting to living together, becoming engaged, and getting married. Our goal is to provide the resources necessary to conduct your own background check on a potential partner or to hire a private investigator to conduct the background check for you.

If you have a story to tell, we hope you will share it with us and others who visit this site. Too often we believe it cannot happen to us. When it does, we are caught off guard and find ourselves second guessing our instincts. You can help others by sharing your personal experience with romantic deception.